How to Overcome The Feelings of Shame and Inferiority That Arise From Being Discriminated Against.

With upsetting recent happenings around the world, I have been thinking a lot about discrimination. Discrimination, whether based on race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexuality or even the way we look, can be incredibly dehumanizing. It doesn't matter how secure, mentally healthy or intelligent you are. Being treated differently for aspects of yourself that you did not choose, do not control and cannot change, will make most people feel insecure. Unfortunately for humanity, discrimination isn't going to completely go away any time soon and many across the globe live in countries and under governments that constantly and systematically discriminate against them.

As a stoic and as a person who has dedicated their time and life to find ways to improve the ways in which we live, how one can deal with discrimination has been one of the issues that I have struggled to understand. The stoic teachings and my own personal experiences have taught me that if one wishes to be free of suffering, one must always remain indifferent to things outside one's control. I knew the solution would be to simply not care, but that is obviously too simplistic and unhelpful. I questioned not only how one can cope with discrimination, but also how one can actually remain unaffected by it. In my quest to find answers, I found 3 ways to overcome the negative effects of being discriminated against.

1. Becoming secure in your identity.

A wise psychology professor who took one of our classes once said, "If someone insults you and your immediate response is feeling upset or angry, it means you subconsciously believe the insult to be true. Why else would you be threatened?" I know this can be tough to accept, but it is absolutely logical. If you are affected when someone insults any part of you, you must deep down either believe the insult to be true, or your identity is rooted in insecurity and you can easily be made to doubt yourself. There is no other explanation. The solution would be, in this context, to actually learn. Learn the history and create a deep understanding about the community or land that you are from. See the beauty in it and keep reminding yourself of this beauty until it is drilled into your brain. Practice this until the next time someone insults any part of your identity, your immediate response becomes being reminded of this beauty instead of questioning it. This isn't to say that you mustn't stand up for yourself or push for progress and change by constantly calling out bigotry. Or that you must simply accept and be indifferent. The world will go to the dogs if we took on such a mentality. What I mean is that you can be a part of the revolution without making the oppressor question your identity. You still can, and absolutely should take actions to stop bigotry. But you can do all those things better when you stand with pride in who you are and not shame. Once you learn your own history in depth and learn to see the immense beauty in everything that makes you who you are, no amount of insult can shake up your security or self worth. We have learned this time and time again from communities that have persevered through the catastrophic results of discrimination. The African American community through slavery, the Jewish community through the holocaust, the South African people through segregation and women throughout history.

2. Realizing that you are more than just your identity markers.

An important thing to remember that many often forget, is that as much as things like race, religion or gender define who we are, it is not all we are. While it is important to take pride in these things while under attack, it is also important to decenter ourselves a little. If we let these external aspects define all of what makes us ourselves, we will take every insult thrown at our identity as an insult to our entire being. Realize that overgeneralizations or even criticisms of parts of your physical identity doesn't have to define who you are as an individual. You are not just a part of a certain demographic. You are your own person first- with your own values, philosophies and life experiences.

3. Asking yourself if you should desire to be liked by certain kinds of individuals.

As human beings, when a fellow human dislikes us or casts us aside, it ignites something primal within us. In prehistoric times, being excluded by our tribe meant death, as we survived depending on each other. Times may have changed but not all parts of our brains have evolved. To a part of our psyche, discrimination is still viewed as a threat to our existence. Hence why we often try to find validation or reassurance from the person who discriminated against us or those that represent him. It is natural to want to prove our worth. But before you do so, before you even begin to care about an insult thrown at you, ask yourself if you should respect the opinion of an individual who lacks intelligence and maturity to such a degree that his only option is to resort to bigotry.

As someone who is spiritual, I do not believe in viewing someone as less than, even if it is someone whose lack of intelligence is hurting people. Because I do believe that we are all mostly born good and that under the right circumstances, a lot of people do learn and change. But if we look at these individuals at the present moment, as they are, they are not someone whose opinion we should care about. A lot of bigotry is rooted in overgeneralization of communities, being gullible enough to be a victim of propaganda, and being unable to differentiate between facts and prejudice. It is not rooted in rationality, hence the term prejudice. A lot of people who decide to spend their precious time here on earth by spreading hate, are deeply dissatisfied, unhappy and troubled individuals who project their pain onto the world by trying to make everyone feel as miserable as they do on the inside. We must realize this and treat their words as what they are; irrational. And if we can find the courage within ourselves, we must forgive and correct these individuals or at least pray they will find their way back to what we are all born with before society pollutes our brains- love.